“The road to ruin is paved with good intentions” …
I don’t know who the original author of that famous quote was, but it was my first thought when I saw an old familiar name run across my screen. Someone that I had tried to be thier friend for a good portion of time, the same someone that ultimately became my very first blacklist entry when they turned on me. I had heard that he quit. I hadn’t seen them on for months and had heard rumors how his girlfriend had taken over and purposely destroyed his character, getting rid of items and such to get back at him.
Originally I thought I had recognized a glimmer of potential as this person though usually pretty negative, they did have a fun side, and at first seemed to want things to get better. They were in a relationship with someone who consistantly told everyone else that they were not together, that she couldn’t stand him, and that she wished he’d just leave, and she even began kind of seeing a friend of mine’s family member in the game, worst of all, they had a child together, one that he expressed doubts on more than one occasion as to if it was really his. They both had some real issues, some personal, and some brought on themselves by habits they chose to aquire.
Being me.. (sometimes unfortunately) I hate seeing people in unhealthy situations. Knowing or at least going off what he said, and what she was telling everyone, I tried to encourage him to maybe do some things to better himself. He talked of moving and going to school, and getting back into a sport that he loved, and even about a few girls at home that he was interested in. I encouraged him to live his life, thinking if he could just get some things going good for himself, he wouldn’t cling to this girl that didn’t want him, and he might be able to make things better, and mature in the process. Unfortunately though, he didn’t really want to change it seems, there is an incredible draw to what is familiar, no matter how unhealthy it can be. The friendship ended on a night when one of his “habits” got out of hand, and despite all attempts of trying to talk some sense into him, laying all honesty on the table. He decided at that point in time that I was to blame ~I guess ~ for his unhappiness, and he said some pretty horrible things. He even threatened to MPK my character with all his “high-level friends”.
That part didn’t bug me so much as it virtual.. just a game, there wasn’t really anything he could do to “hurt” me – and with the new patches I really didn’t know how he could “really” do anything to my character other than just say bad things about me, which he did, but it didn’t matter because those who knew me.. knew better. I then made my very first blacklist entry. What bothered me was that all I had done was try to help, try to encourage him.
It still made me sad to think about that time when I saw the name run thru.. I actually don’t even know for sure that it would even be him controlling the character shell, as so many rumors about his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend taking over his account.. or even the possibility that he sold it.. which had been mentioned in the past. ……………………………………………..
For a some time now, my interest had been in possibly becoming a counselor, to help people deal with things they have a hard time with. There is a video series by a christian counselor by the name of Gary Smalley, which I think originally was created for married people to re-evaluate and re-discover their relationships, but it also had alot good suggestions on any kind of friendship dynamics. It basically promoted working on yourself so that you could be a better person/friend/lover, whatever the case may be. One of the tools he talked about was “Treasure Hunting” in which you look at an event or a time period that wasn’t neccessarily pleasant, or even painful, and pull out of it life lessons, or “pearls” that came out of it that maybe made you stronger, better, or smarter.. despite the unpleasantries.
Though I never want to go thru that kind of drama again, I figure I took these lessons from that situation.
* I really am appreciative of all the help he did provide me ingame.. that lead me to become a bit more adventurous in the game which did end up making me be able to enjoy the game a lot more on my own.
* It made me truly understand that despite any help or encouragement or anything you give to someone to help them on their way.. Everything is a personal choice, and unless that person really wants things to get better for themselves.. it doesn’t matter what you say or do to help, nothing will come of it unless they want it to.
* It made me aware of just how naive people, including myself, can really be. Especially ingame type situation where seeing shouldn’t really be believing, its a fantasy world – remind yourself that everytime you log on. Real life problems need to be dealt with Real life effort, and Ingame issues should be kept ingame. Don’t let the fantasy world over take your real world.
* “You can’t reason with the unreasonable” – things sometimes reach a point where nothing will get better by staying and arguing. Everyone has thier own view, and opinion on situations as is their right.
I actually don’t know why I’m posting this.. maybe to remind myself of what I’ve learned..
I am a social person, I like people, I like to make friends, and I like to help, but I guess every once in awhile I need to remind myself that sometimes it isn’t my place… 😦